It is time for a little mental health update as it’s been a year. Yep, today marks one year since I tried to end my own life.
I wasn’t sure whether I was going to talk about it as it’s not exactly the nicest thing in the world to sit and remember, but I’m ready to draw a line under it and try and move on.
I have made a video which will now be live on my YouTube channel, so go check that out. For this blog post, I just want to focus on the positives whereas the video goes into a bit more depth.
I owe so much to Mick – he really is my rock and I can’t thank him enough for his support over the past 12 months. He’s really helped me to pick up the pieces and try to put my life and my mind back together. Having someone who supports you and has your back means a lot and I can’t thank him enough. I already knew that Mick would be there for the bad times as well as the good as he’s shown me that time and time again over our (almost) 10 years together. I would be so lost without him.
The past year has been difficult and a bit of a learning curve, but I made it through and now I’m ready to move on. I don’t forever want to be known as the girl who tried to kill herself as there’s so much more to me than that. Whilst I’m happy to raise awareness for mental health issues, I don’t want to be a mental health blogger … I don’t want it to define me and be what I’m all about. There are so many bloggers out there who deal with the subject of mental health so much better than I do. For me, I just want to write about beauty and lifestyle … that isn’t to say I will never ever talk about my depression, but I do want to keep it more to myself.
There are many many regrets from last year, and I’m not going to go into them. Truth be told, I wish I hadn’t been so open about things as some people have used that to attack and make fun of me. To be honest, I think that says more about them than it does about me. So whilst I will sometimes talk about my life, I will be keeping some things a lot more private than I have done before. I don’t need to keep punishing myself by airing my dirty laundry all over the internet.
I’m optimistic for the future and know that I will have to work at self care and dealing with my depression for the rest of my life and I’ve accepted that. I’m not the same person that I was last year, and even though there are still dark days, there are also days that are filled with light and those are the days that I want to embrace.