I wasn’t going to write this post, I was going to keep quiet and let everyone have their opinions on me, but we all know me – I can’t keep things in. So here goes.
The beauty blogging community is a volatile place at the moment – from the whole bot saga to Twitter spats – it seems that every day something new has kicked off, or someone has something to say and it’s fair to say that there’s a weird, tense sort of atmosphere going on.
Now I am guilty of being involved in some of this – I have never bought a bot or a follower but I have made my views on certain people who have done quite clear. I have unfollowed people that I had friendships with and yes, I have had a good old bitch about them. There’s a frustration there for those of us who plug away every day trying to build our social media following and to see people thinking they can buy their way through … sorry, but it’s wrong.
Now when it comes to social media, especially Twitter, I get myself into trouble. I tweet before I think and let frustrations spill out into those 140 characters without thinking about how it looks on me or what drama it may lead to. It’s sort of like the days of Facebook when you’d see people airing all their dirty laundry … it feels good to get it off your chest, but a day later, you just look negative.
Recently, I seem to have been on a little mission, intended or not, to call out people for their behaviour, but what’s the point? Nothing changes. The cheaters will still cheat, the opportunities will still go to those who know more people than you, and you have a Twitter feed that makes you look like a bitch.
Bitching has gotten me into a lot of trouble this week. I set up a group chat on WhatsApp last month to connect with more bloggers as well as engaging more with bloggers I already considered friends. I didn’t really monitor who I added to the chat, but once it got quite busy I stopped adding people. Quite early into the chat the subject of another blogger came up. It was clear that the majority of us shared similar opinions of her and the chat turned bitchy.
Now I will say it was mostly just letting off steam and whilst it does look really nasty, I don’t think that there was malicious intent there. Some of it was said to raise a laugh amongst the group, but some of it was mean and nasty. I thought no more of it, this was a month ago, and I even left the chat as I just didn’t have much time to participate.
Then we get to the other day. The blogger in question had been sent screenshots of this chat and I can appreciate that it can’t have been nice for her to read – none of us would like to see a group of people being horrible about us and for that I do apologise. She posted said screenshots on Twitter and went on the attack – mostly towards me, but there was people’s phone numbers on the screenshots, so that wasn’t fair on the girls who had their numbers plastered over Twitter. I can understand why she posted what she had been sent – defense mode kicks in as well as hurt and anger and she wanted revenge. I get that.
The issue for me was that this was a private group chat – it wasn’t public and for someone to have taken screenshots … it all felt dirty. It didn’t take long to realise who had done it and that she had sent them to another blogger first. What I don’t understand is why she waited a month to share them … was she just waiting for a chance to bring me down? Yes our conversation was mean and we shouldn’t have done it, but we also didn’t set out to hurt anyone … it was a private chat. Clearly, one of the members of the group had an agenda and that’s her issue. It resulted in people who had followed me for a long time hitting that unfollow button, without ever waiting to see what I had to say, but that’s fine – if you don’t want to follow me then that’s your choice.
A fake Twitter account was set up purely to bash me and target brands that I work with – that’s shady and also cowardly to hide behind a fake profile. Another fake account was set up to troll one of the girls on Instagram, even on pictures of her and her child. Nasty things were tweeted about us – there was a lot of hypocrisy, but it’s Twitter, so you expect that. People who had nothing to do with the chat felt the need to step in and give their opinion and the whole thing blew up.
Now I am not saying that I didn’t deserve the backlash … I’d been a bitch and I’d hurt someone, so yeah I can accept why people were upset, but some people were acting like they’d never once said anything horrible about someone. How many of us can say we’ve never had a bitch to our friends? Not many I bet. I’m not saying that this makes any of what we did right, but it happens every single day.
I’ve seen whole hate threads over blog posts that I have written in the past – some of the things people were saying were actually disgusting, and yes it hurt my feelings, but I also know that it happens. I’ve seen some people implying that they’re better than us because of the things we said yet these are people who can be fairly bitchy and harsh when the mood takes them.
Life isn’t all positivity and sunshine no matter how much we want it to be. We all have a little bit of a mean girl in us, and with the current bad feeling in the community, sometimes the mean girl comes out more than she should. Some days it feels like I’m being portrayed as something I’m not – someone suggested I have never done anything nice ever … not true, I just don’t feel the need to splash every good deed I do over the internet – if I did, you can guarantee someone would put a negative spin on that. Every day you go on Twitter and there’s some sort of argument going on and, more often than you’d believe, I’m not even involved.
It’s taught me not to trust that many people, to keep my thoughts to myself, and that whilst I did a mean thing, I’m not a bad person. I might not agree with the blogger I was horrible about on many things, but she’s not a bad person either – we are just two very different people. Recently I feel like I’ve been fighting battles that aren’t mine to fight – like I’ve felt the need to say publicly what others are saying in private and that’s going to stop. Buy your bots, write negative posts on exes, give all your work opportunities to your friends, set up your hate accounts … whilst I love my blog and some aspects of social media, they’re only a small part of my life and it’s time to take a step back.
It’s time to go back to tweeting funny gifs, interacting in a positive way and the daily shaking of my head over what Donald Trump has tweeted. If people have an issue with what others are doing, then they can deal with it. I’m not prepared to take all the blame for the negativity floating around at the moment, but I have played my part and for that I genuinely do apologise to you all.
The other thing I have learnt? Think before you tweet!!