This post is a little bit different. It’s not about beauty, it’s about life. My life. I’ve become aware of many bloggers who, like me, live with a chronic illness. Blogging gives us an outlet, has opened up opportunities we would never have had, and even led to friendships.
10 years ago, back when I was 23, I was in a car accident. It was an awful accident and resulted in me being thrown head first through a car window. To cut a long story short, I was left with Epilepsy. Thankfully, I am starting to see some improvement in this, but it had a huge effect on my life.
Just as I was starting to come to terms with having Epilepsy, my Mum died and then I got quite ill. Numerous appointments and tests and surgery saw me being diagnosed with Endometriosis. (See my YouTube video that goes into more details, it’s one of my first videos, so please excuse the quality).
Having a chronic illness, like Endo, has such an impact on your life. I used to be full of energy and life, and now that’s gone. Some days, getting out of bed is a huge achievement, other days, I grasp any bit of energy I can and do way too much, which results in me paying for it for days afterwards. Each week it feels like there are more symptoms and more side effects, and we are pretty sure I have Fibromyalgia as well, so the chances of me feeling better any time soon are slim.
You also really start to feel like a second class citizen. People assume that not being able to work must be great fun and that you have the life of Riley (although when I marry the Boy I will be a Riley so you never know). Do you know how boring being at home all day every day is? It numbs your mind and drives you stir crazy. When the Boy is off work and we go out, I try and ignore how ill I feel, as I live for those days.
Daytime TV has to be amongst the shittest thing ever. Seriously, it is awful. Jeremy Kyle needs to go and boil his head in a vat of hot oil, and as for makeover shows and antique shows … why? Just why? Thank God for Netflix for those days when I can’t get out of bed.
Blogging has made things better. It’s made me feel like a human again, like I matter. It has given me a focus again, got my brain working, and has also given me things to look forward to. Yes, some days it’s a struggle to make my brain operate, or to even sit up long enough to type on my computer, and yes, I feel extremely self-conscious of how I look on my YouTube videos (Endo makes you swell, as do the multitude of drugs I have to take), but it’s better than just existing. That’s all I was doing before. My time was measured in terms of how long it was until my next operation, and whilst there’s still an element of that, it’s not all there is anymore.
Being a blogger has been one of the most positive things I have ever done. It has given me more than I could ever explain.