On Monday it was my birthday … I am now halfway to 70 and feeling a bit old. I received so many birthday wishes that it was slightly overwhelming. A couple of months ago, I couldn’t even think about turning 35 and never thought I’d still be here to celebrate. To say I am now extremely grateful that my suicide attempt wasn’t successful is an understatement.
We hadn’t made any plans for my birthday and were planning on just having a quiet day at home. However, the lovely team at Charlotte Tilbury at Selfridges (Manchester Exchange Square), had other ideas. They invited me for a Tilbury Transformation where the insanely talented Cole transformed me into the Rock Chick. I did vlog the experience, so keep an eye out for that on my YouTube channel.
As well as my makeover, there was a bag of goodies and a stunning bouquet from the team at Head Office. I felt very spoilt and very lucky. After a spot of lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, we had a little wander around the shops and then went back home for a cosy night in. I’ve not been feeling too great recently, so there were no wild parties this year!
Present wise, I was very lucky girl. Normally we tend to go a bit OTT but this year we decided to reign it in a bit. However, Mick kindly got me a second Olympus Pen (it makes sense as I use different lenses) in white which I am in love with. He also got me some beautiful flowers, champagne and chocolates as well as the new Call of Duty game. I feel very blessed.
Now that I am 35, I sort of feel like I should have my life together, and I don’t. Instead of beating myself up about this, I am focusing on the things that are going well. Towards the end of the month, Mick and I will celebrate 9 years together … he really is my world and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I need to focus on my blog a bit more and I’m pleased that the motivation is coming back.
I’m also feeling proud that I am tackling the depression head on. So far I’ve had 2 CBT sessions and I’m optimistic that this will help me. Looking back at how I felt at the end of August, I can’t believe the difference. Yes the depression is still there and some days it kicks my arse, but that desperate feeling has gone. I got excited over my birthday and thoroughly enjoyed it. Just a few weeks ago that didn’t even seem possible.
It’s nice to be feeling optimistic for the future. I’ve made a vow to myself that I need to take better care of myself and to make my life more positive. I’ve got rid of people who were using me, fake friends, and people who don’t wish me well. I’m making more of an effort to eat properly, to relax and I’m even considering yoga. I want to continue on the path pf improvement. I don’t ever want to feel like suicide is an option again.
So even though I might not have the dream house yet, or a bank account full of money, I do feel blessed to be 35. I have an amazing fiance, a blog I love, friends I value and every day I wake up. Ok, so I might wake up in pain thanks to the endometriosis, but I wake up. I have a second chance at this thing we call life and I full intend to embrace it.